INTO THE WILD.... A TRUE NEO SATIRE!!!

PROLOGUE : 6TH AUGUST 2011... FOUR P.M. SOMEWHERE INSIDE AN WILDLIFE SANCTUARY:


“Look man”! Screamed Sid, “That’s an Anaconda”!! “WTF”! Revolted Auro, “Eek shit man”, his voice pale, “Must be a baby Python”!

Well when two spongy animals come face to face with another likeminded one lying on the road, comparisons and adaptations are bound to happen! But this is insane, calling a small rattle snake an anaconda and a python requires guts and glory in equal measures and these two creatures-so called my companions just started to find possibilities of an Amazon Rain forest in an otherwise harmless east Bengal wild life sanctuary!

“Get a life losers, it’s an harmless rattle snake”! I screamed! By that time Sid already went two steps backwards and Auro, was trying to distract his anaconda with a tree stick! Well pinching the little fellow soon backfired, as it revolted back, rushed towards Auro! “ Saaley Bhaag”!, screamed sid and runner backwards like a leopard ten meters minimum, in the mean time the snake already rushed in between the two legs of Auro and left sided me inside the jungle! Oh man, you should have looked at Auro’s pale face and the jump he instantly gave in sync with the snake movement. It was a Kodak moment!

I sat in the road and started laughing to the core! Sid gained consciousness and started laughing standing backwards and screamed, “Batman if you start flying like this, Heath ledger is surely going out from grave to chase you”! “Fuck you guys”! Said Auro, the only thing you guys know is how to bully people”! “Common, don’t be a senti now”! I smilingly reverted, “Anyways your two seconds of Oscar winning jump is over, got to move forward in search of the real thing now.

Five minutes of walk, the rain started dripping down heavily! Trust me, I have been amidst heavy downpours in north, south and east but never have seen to be raining so heavily! It was pouring cats , dogs, elephants and dinosaurs! The forests responded beautifully too, you got to feel the sound of rain falling over the big trees and bushes! Its beautiful, scary, serene and often brings goose bumps in your heart! A black cloud overhead , no sun around, deep jungle all around and we three were walking towards our tree house which has been booked by us priorly! Suddenly in between all the water, the chilly sounds and winds, we heard the first roar! “What was that”! I told to Sid, and before I could properly conclude, another big roar!

“Bhago”! Said Auro and we started running!


THE WELL PLANNED TRIP:

Well, my new friends wanted an adventure trip on my birth day, so they planned out a trip to Duers, the dense jungles of West Bengal downhill the sivalik mountain ranges, in the Eastern Ghats, and if you actually visit a place without proper research, that to jungles the result was ominous. The jungles were closed owing to rains as it was a off season! No Guides, no travellers might sound enterprising but it was equally dangerous! Good lord! We could book a tree house with someone to receive us”! with only 2 bottles of scotches, some cigarette packs and some clothes, we could finally reach the so called tree house at around 7 pm, all dark and gloomy!

THE TREE HOUSE EFFECT:

One look at the tree house, and the first question every infant will ask is “Why the hell they call it a tree house”? Needless to say Auro, who booked it was most annoyed! An old heritage cottage like structure with the dirtiest rooms possible and an old 60 years lady in the name of customer service is the worst kind of thing possible! “I am not staying here”! Affirmed Sid!, “ Yuk, the loo is open ended one”! “ If you think you will get a five star comfort loo in the middle of a Off-season forest, you got to come with the Ambani’s not me, do you get that”, I screamed! “Anyways it was your idea to continue entering the forest when its banned”, said Auro, “ the loo also says- I am in off season! Don’t use”! we all laughed!

THE ENCHANTING PROPOSAL:

We asked the care taker ( the Lady) about whereabouts of tigers and all, to which she replied, “ why do you want to get into more trouble by seeking tigers, it’s dangerous out there, soon after the first rains, life reduplicates in the forests, and all though it makes the forest more beautiful but it also is vulnerable”! we asked her about a wild safari ride to which she nodded and asked us she will arrange for elephants tomorrow early morning, she also gave us tips for tracking and understanding nature without harming it! That night we were full on drunk, suddenly in between our raunchy conversations the lady knocked the door to bring some water! Well no matter how much drunk you are, seeing an old lady entering the room, you really feel like hiding stuffs and all! But some bastards never recover! Auro suddenly whispered, “just observed what I do” and climbed down from the bed and bowed to the lady and slowly said “I am falling for you”. The lady shockingly reverted, “its ok son you don’t need to touch my feet to get a blessing blessed him and went out”! and we two jumped all over the bed, bursting into smiles! Just minutes after our laughs I whispered slowly , “ Imagine our Auro boy marrying this 60 years lady and having kids”! Sid thought a little and replied back in a confident loud voice, “you know, Nature finds a way”! “ Ha Ha Ha”! we three bursted into laughter!

THE REAL BIRTH DAY CELEBRATIONS:

11.50 pm : Auro with a knife in hand, fully drunk, “ Happy bday Neo”! smashed the knife over the cake as if he was the perfect serial killer, killing the fourteenth girl this summer!

11.52 pm : “ Be gentle with it , idiot”, nodded a drunk Sid , having fallen into snake like charm, while trying to pull out the knife from the cake, slipped and his whole hand inside the cake! “That’s it, my cake is cut, thanks friends for reaching me safely towards by 25th Birth day”, I screamed!

12.05 am: “ A toast”, Sid raised the scotch bottle, I raised my glass and Auro also raised the other bottle and we both screamed in unison , “ A toast towards friendship”. That is the last memory I had of my birth day morning! Was too drunk to bother!


THE TIGERS TALE:

“Since when the tigers have started fearing us”? asked Auro! “ Are they escapists or what or don’t we have the luck to see them”, coincided Sid! “Well Auro they might have heard about your last night proposal”! I smilingly said! “Shut up, you moron, ahh, my head, how much I drank”? said Auro, scratching his forehead! We all were above an elephant with a Mahoth ( Elephant guide) and were roaming for the past half an hour. In the name of the wild jungle, we came across two skinny weak deer’s, couple of wild buffalos and another something not worth remembering, but no tigers around! The elephant, though was a beauty, it was roaming its tail as if to give us a warning “ Come down let me smash you foor fun”! But no scene of the tiger! I asked the Mahoth, “ any chance we can watch a tiger roaming around”! the Mahoth replied, “ This is their meeting season, you might find one in the arms of a tigress, but you got to go deep inside the forest, tigers don’t want to get disturbed now, they are happy fucking”! To this Auro’s reaction , “ Yeh le aur hum ko dekh, ek bandi vi nehi hai life mein” he just said that and a big roar around our left! We saw mock of birds flying suddenly from the left side trees. The elephant suddenly stopped roaming its tail and stood steadily, the mahoth whispered “ Look slowly, its there on your left”! I instantly turned my selves to the left side and saw the most beautiful, arrogant yet attractive and seductive creature on planet. It was a midsized tiger, it just had one look straight at us and then ran into the forest! It was a thrilling moment, minutes later Sid sadly said, “ look what have we done! Now there are only a handful of these beautiful creatures alive”! I reverted back, “ A price they pay since we exist”!

THE LAST MEMORABILIA:

I remember when I was walking while lighting my last cigarette, on my way back, I stopped at a sign board which wrote, “Save tigers”. I remember Auro saying this specifically to me , “ Are we civilized enough to understand what the hell have we done to our natural eco-system by almost extinting a species”! I replied , “ well nature shall find a way mate”! We smiled at each other, meanwhile sid arranged for the Cab back to Silliguri! While returning back, Sid saw me speaking almost nothing for about an hour, asked, “ I know you are going to write about this trip”! I nodded back! “Be gentle with us”! said Auro! I said, “Hmm, Depends, but your proposal was worthwhile”! we all laughed together in unison looking at each other!